Shots Fired! Down go the Cougs!
Ever since I was a kid, I have been a Husky fan. I’m not old, but I have memories dating back to the good ol days of Husky football. These days, times are harder for Huskies fans, but two things remain the same.
We hate the Cougars and the Cougars flat out suck.
That’s right…it’s Apple Cup week.
The biggest rivalry game in the state of Washington is upon us and it is time to show your pride more now than you have all season long.
Break out your purple and gold, Dawgs, because it is time to show these crimson-wearing chumps what’s up.
I’m sure you’ll all agree with my next comments, so let me begin.
Here are the 5 things I hate most about the Washington State Cougars.
1. They’re Jealous
One of my favorite jokes ever sums this category up perfectly. “What do Cougars and Huskies have in common?” The answer? “They both applied to UW.”
Unless they live in Pullman, WSU isn’t typically a first-choice school for attendees. It’s maybe second best, meaning they are slackers, underachievers or just fans of crappy sports teams.
They live near absolutely nothing fun to do or nice to look at and are probably tired of hearing about how the Husky campus is one of the most beautiful and the stadium is one of the most scenic places in college football.
Does anybody say they WANT to go to Martin Stadium? I think not.
2. They’re Bitter
Cougs fans like to pick on Husky fans for having pride in our Co-National Championship. When did the Cougars win a National Title? Co-National Championship? I’m going to assume cricket are chirping in the background and continue.
In fact, the only championships the Cougars can claim are the 1997 and 2002 CO-Pac 10 Champion titles. You want to make fun of us for being C0-National Champs? Try again.
The history between these 2 schools yields a 66-31-6 record in favor of the Huskies. Ouch.
I would be pretty bitter, too, if my team couldn’t even win conference games.
Not to mention the slogan used around the country in “Don’t Coug it.”
3. They can’t win
This could tie in with my last category, but I wanted this to be strictly bowl related. The Cougars have gone to a whopping TEN bowl games in their existence and will be missing out again this season.
You have only been to the Rose Bowl 3 times and the only win was against Brown in 1914.
The Huskies? A modest 31 bowl games to date with another coming this January. The Huskies are 7-6-1 in Rose Bowl games.
That record may not be great, but the Huskies were still there 14 times. 11 times more than the Cougs.
4. Nobody wants to play there
When you see 3-5 star recruits looking at Northwest schools, the Cougars nevermake the list. Even in-state kids don’t want to play there. They all have the Huskies, on their lists, though! The Huskies don’t have to resort to bringing in quarterbacks through open tryouts – they can actually recruit them.
And they have more experience than a flag football player!
How many exceptional NFL’ers have the Cougs produced? A couple kickers and a couple quarterbacks…maybe? Drew Bledsoe is your biggest and c’mon, let’s be real here…Bledsoe, really?
Not to mention the Cougs had the biggest draft bust in NFL history hailing from that god awful school in Ryan Leaf.
I don’t have to list the headliner NFL players the Huskies produced, do I?
If they’re a blue chip prospect, they head to the big city. If they’re little guys who aren’t very good, they head inland to the cowtown in the shadow of the mountains.
5. Their coaching
The Huskies have had some pretty poignant coaches in their time. Notably “The Dawg Father” Don James and Gil Dobie. But what has Washington State had? Coaches who couldn’t bring their team to conference titles or bowl games? Check. Coaches so old, they could’ve participated in WWI? Check. Haven’t coached a winning season since 2003? Check.
Let me ask you this…what happened to Mike Price anyway? He was your winningest coach and how has his career gone since his last years at WSU and beyond? Oh yeah, scandalous. And what about this 8 win coach nonsense? You’d be throwing bonfires and rioting if your piss poor football team reached 8 wins.
I’ll finish this coaches section with my favorite Don James quote of all time. He has had so many motivational quotes, but this one takes the cake in dead-on accuracy and truthfulness.
“I’ve always felt being a Cougar prepares you well for life. You learn not to expect too much.”
There are so many more reasons why the Dawgs are better than the kitties, but I will let the teams do the ultimate talking beyond what I just rubbed into that wound called a Washington State University education.
And to the ones who like to bring up the drug and alcohol-related incidents in UW past…I’ve got 2 words that will nullify that argument 100%: Ryan Leaf.
Bow down, Cougs. Get ready to watch that Apple Cup trophy land in the trophy case in Seattle yet again.