Are the Blazers too un-sexy for NBA fans?

On a scale of 1-10

When one considers the glitz and glamour of the NBA, chances are Portland doesn’t rank in the upper echelon of the list.  As for how the word sexy relates to the members of the Trail Blazers in a non sensual way, but more from a appealing game play standpoint, as a group, they aren’t the worst, but they could be better.

At media day earlier this fall, GM Neil Olshey commented that his team wasn’t that sexy, leading to a rebuttal from guard Wesley Matthews

However when you look at the overall roster and the context of the word, other than a few players, the Trail Blazers are more of that girl next door type of sexy, rather than the smoking hot chick at the club type deal.

Quite honestly, although the Blazers had success last year (which could be viewed as sexy), from an excitement, get up and get wild standpoint, there really isn’t much going on for many of the Blazers this season.

Sure there are a few dunks a night, but other than from possibly Lillard, Aldridge and Robinson, the level of NBA JAM like dunks are limited.

Going through the Blazers roster and taking into consideration a players style of game, talent and ability and then the overall “oooh ” factor, out of the final roster, let’s take a look at how “sexy” the 2014-15 Blazers are.

Damian Lillard

The third year pg oozes sexiness on this club.  Clutch time shots, transition hoops and shifty ball handling and the ability to get to the rack, Lillard gets both his teammates and the crowd excited about the game.

In just a short time Lillard has taken over the city of Portland.

Sexiness Scale: 10

LaMarcus Aldridge

The pillar of the franchise seems to fall into the Tim Duncan mold.  Nothing overly spectacular, but always effective and efficient.  Occasionally explosive with a post up dunk or ally oop finish, LA’s rep is similar to that of TD….basic but effective.

Sexiness Scale: 8.5 (some people find basic fundamentals a turn on)

Robin Lopez

The hair alone is worth a couple of points on the sexiness scale.  Whereas once he was just a serviceable big man, playing spot minutes, Lopez has found his calling in Portland.  While his skills are blue collar, his effectiveness has been a big component to the Blazers success.

Who says dirty work isn’t sexy.

Sexiness Scale: 7.5 (3 points based on hair alone)

Nic Batum

The Frenchman is the Blazers swiss army knife, in that he is capable of doing a little bit of everything across the board.  Not yet a star that he wanted to be paid to be, Batum also loses sexiness points in my book based on the fact that he considers tough defense to be a punch in the junk.

Sexiness Scale: 7

Wesley Matthews

One of the leagues most unknown talents, Matthews has quietly built a home with the Portland franchise.  With the ability to play both ends of the court and a knack for hitting the three ball, Matthews game is like the high school girl who with a little more makeup could be a lot hotter.

Sexiness Scale: 6.5

Steve Blake

Shaved head, ability to hit from deep, good with his hands…you would think that this guy would be raking them in.  Unfortunately his sustainability is short, as Blake has only managed to appear in about 55 games per season the last few years.

Sexiness Scale:  5.5

C.J. McCollum

Originally selected to team up with Lillard and Matthews, McCollum’s career started as sort of the silent, awkward type in the back of the room that has potential for something good.  With former teammate Mo Williams gone and Blake bound to be put on the shelf for a number of games, McCollum could step into the spotlight even if for but a minute behind Lillard or Matthews.

With some flash and scoring ability, C.J. could be the man on the second unit.  Sometimes the silent guys can cause the most excitement.

Sexiness Scale:  5+

Thomas Robinson

Like Lopez, Robinson puts on his hard hat and goes to work.  Although his numbers have been limited, the production value when he does get a look is certainly worth the time.

Shaved head, ability to hit from deep, good with his hands...

Shaved head, ability to hit from deep, good with his hands…

Unfortunately for Robinson, his short career has been kinda like meeting up on Plenty Of Fish or one of those other dating sites, in that sometimes expectations and reality are completely different.

Sacramento didn’t do him any favors drafting him 5th overall a few years ago (other than pay him a lot of money) and setting the bar far too high.  For the amount of money he is being paid (approx $4 million) his production (4.8 ppg and 4.4 rebounds) doesn’t necessarily match.

Sexiness Scale:  4.44444444

Dorell Wright

Wright was brought in by the Blazers for his deep stroking ability and his transition scoring.  Unfortunately after climaxing in Golden State four years ago, Wright has since been firing blanks.   For a player who was brought in to extend the D, Wright certainly hasn’t lived up to expectations.

Sexiness Scale:  3

Chris Kaman

The elder statesman of the Blazers, Kaman is no George Clooney.  On the downside of his career, unless you find someone lying around like a lump sexy, Kaman doesn’t really offer much in terms of anything to get excited about.

Kaman’s game is like when the ugly lights at the club come on, but yet, even when off, there was still nothing to get excited about. Sexiness Scale:  Eh  (and that’s after a few hours in the makeup chair)

Rest of Roster:  Let’s face it, the rest of the Blazers roster offers little to the imagination.  Meyers Leonard, Victor Claver, Allen Crabbe, Will Barton and Joel Freeland are all splitting blowout minutes somehow, someway. 

These guys are all still fairly wet behind the ears, but at the same time they need to step up their game at some point, before they are kicked to the curb in favor of the next best thing.

Combined Sexiness Scale: 5, one point for each player.

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About Steve Lee

Steve is a 12 year writing vet, and writes for a number of sports sites, offering a unique and abstract look at the games we love. He still hopes the Grizz + Sonics return to the Northwest, and has been a Lakers fan since "Showtime".
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