An analysis of the Seahawks Brady Quinn’s endorsement career

The backup spokesperson

Full disclosure: I do not like Brady Quinn. I do not like Notre Dame. I am, in this particular case, what some may call a “hater.”

That being said, I think it’s hard to deny the accuracy of the following analysis of Brady Quinn’s endorsement career.

A couple issues here. First, the punchline. Brady sells it like he knows he’ll never have another joke reach national syndication. Say what you will about his acting skills, but he’s no quitter. He’s the Rudy of terrible commercials, and like Rudy, I hope his Seattle Seahawks career consists of only playing in blowout games as an undersized sack specialist.

Besides being terrible, the joke is also kind of ironic. Brady has to bail on his sandwich job because of his quarterback job; a job that he would quickly lose to the immortal Derek Anderson.

Hopefully in Seattle he will have a lot of free time. Nothing would make me happier than to see Brady Quinn spending his Sundays delivering Meatball Marinara’s to unimpressed Capitol Hill hipsters.


Where does this even take place? Some scorched earth, post-apocalyptic landscape? Cleveland post-Lebron? Quinn’s battered intestines post-Myoplex consumption?

Brady Quinn is a below average player from an above average institution of arrogance. (Photo: Carlos Serrao)

Brady Quinn is a below average player from an above average institution of arrogance. (Photo: Carlos Serrao)

Or does this all take place in Quinn’s mind? If so, he’s almost as imaginative as the Myoplex executive who decided Matt Hasselbeck and Quinn were the perfect one-two punch of protein beverage endorsers.

At least we can be sure that Brady will never lack for lean muscle, or the ability to run on a treadmill.

The first 25 seconds of the commercial are really just a prelude to Brady’s magnum opus of terrible catchphrases.

Maybe they were going for a three-word, “just do it” kind of thing, but failed to realize that “now I’m done” sounds like it applies to Turbo Tax or toilet scrubs.

Whatever the original intent, I can’t think of a collection of sounds and images that could make me want to drink something less than this commercial.

Quinn is a below-average NFL player, who played at a university of above average arrogance. I will give him this, though. His willingness to debase himself for money is slightly endearing.

I would do the same, Brady, in a heartbeat. So in the end, I guess we’re practically brothers.

Welcome to the family.


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About Peter Edlund

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