Northwest Sports Beat

Canucks Conversations: Josh & Kev’s NHL All-Star Game Fantasy Mock Draft

*Click Click Click; Snap Snap Snap*

Welcome to the 2012 NHL All Star Game Fantasy Draft.

We have our Captains Daniel Alfredsson (@vancan19) of the Senators and Zdeno Chara (@flyingvhockey) of the Bruins.

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They are joined by their lovely assistants, Henrik Lundqvist of the Rangers and Joffrey Lupul of some Leafs team.

You’ll each pick a starting lineup and then the rest will be selected snake style (1, 2, 2…).

Get it on boys!

Zee: With the 1st overall pick of the 2012 NHL All-Star Game, Team Chara will select true teammate Tyler Seguin. Good times at the White House buddy.

Alfy: Why am I not surprised Zdeno? Well I will call your homerism and raise you some familiarity by making my 1st pick Jason freakin’ Spezza; the best center a winger could ask for.

Zee:  Game on, pizza boys.

Alfy: At least we’re not submarine boys.

Zee: Jeez, you sound like a Canucks fan! That being the case, with our second pick Team Chara begrudgingly chooses Tim Thomas, because he’s still the best goaltender in the world.

He may not occupy the White House but he can occupy our crease any time!

Alfy: What’s that? I hear the BECKoning of Fox News. I’m hearing THEY wanted to hire Thomas. Anywho, Team Alfie selects the red hot Jonathan Quick.

He’s slicker than Roberto Luongo‘s hair, that’s why he’s here and Lu’s not.

Zee: Oh Team Chara knows exactly why Luongo isn’t here right now. *Chuckles*

Alfy: Flat tires?

Zee: Something like that. Team Chara selects Shea Weber. Who said there’s no hitting in the All-Star game?

Alfy: As long as it’s clean chief.

Now my next pick wasn’t supposed to be here but I’m going to pick him because I love dairy and his name rhymes with that. Corey Perry, you are all mine. Here are some meatballs son.

Zee: That reminds me, Team Chara selects right winger Phil Kessel, he should know a good restaurant in the nation’s capital. Welcome back Phil.

Alfy: A lot of food talk. It’s making me hungry. TWEETUP AT IKEA AFTER GUYS!

The Alfs pick my swedish countryman Alex Edler. I like ponds, he’s blonde and of him, I am really fond.

Zee: Team Chara selects left wing James Neal, the steal of the draft. P.S. screw meatballs I’m getting the veal.

Alfy: That’s how you Slovaks roll isn’t it. Just killin babies.

Zee: Mason Raymond does have a bit of a baby face, doesn’t he?

Alfy: Oooh good one!

With my 2nd last pick, I’m going to refer to my sexy assistant..I mean, uhmmm, my assistant captain Henrik Lundqvist.

King Henrik: Thank you Daniel, I would like to select while wearing my fancy ass fedora, the sloppiest and most anti-Lundqvist type of player, Maple Leaf Dion Phaneuf.

He’s sloppy and he knows it!

Zee: I see your overrated defenceman and raise you an underrated one; Team Chara selects defenceman Kris Letang to round out a starting squad.

Alfy:  With my final starting selection, I select Left winger Scott Hartnell.

I love the guys who weren’t actually supposed to be here.

NHL All Star Mock Draft

With the 1st overall pick of the 2012 NHL All-Star Game, Team Chara will select true teammate Tyler Seguin.

As mentioned the rest of the picks are selected snake style with Big Zee making the first pick and then both teams choosing two at a time until all are out.

Z: 13. Claude Giroux; A: 14. Steven Stamkos, 15. Erik Karlsson; Z: 16. Jarome Iginla, 17. Kimmo Timonen; A:18. Brian Elliott, 19. Evgeni Malkin; Z: 20. Marian Hossa, 21. Logan Couture; A: 22. Daniel Sedin, 23. Henrik Sedin; Z: 24 Ryan Suter, 25. Brian Campbell; A: 26. Dennis Wideman, 27. Keith Yandle; Z: 28. Jordan Eberle, 29. John Tavares; A: 30. Pavel Datsyuk, 31. Patrick Kane; Z: 32. Jason Pominville, 33. Jimmy Howard;

A: “Well I can’t leave you as my last pick buddy. What kind of teammate would I be?

We choose Milan Michalek and finally with the 35th pick, we choose Dan Girardi of the Rangers.

Z: “Last but not least, we choose Carey Price. I really didn’t want to pick a Hab but what can I say, I pity the guy and really had no choice.”

Meanwhile, Tim Thomas pulls out his camera phone!

Closing Comments From The Captains

Zee: We took over the White House for a day, there’s no stopping us taking over all of Ottawa for a week.

There’s a new sheriff in town, Alfy.

Alfy: If Burrows was here, I’d say Bite me Zee. You’re goin’ down, Stockholm Style.

That concludes the 2012 NHL All Star Game Fantasy Draft!

Please pick up your cheese gift basket on your way out the door.

The Flying V – Kevin V. also contributed to this article.

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  • Outsider6

    That was the worst piece of shit “Blog” I have ever read.

  • Timmorin

    Give up writing man….seriously give it up!!!

    • http://twitter.com/vancan19 Josh Hall

      This is called a parody. I appreciate your feedback but you’re definitely taking the point of this post the wrong way. 

  • http://twitter.com/prfctsoundforvr Richard Hodges

    hahahaha. this was pretty good, don’t listen to tim-moran

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