Off season & off beat Mariners can’t miss analysis

Is the offseason really that boring?

Some quick hits on what is going on with the Seattle Mariners organization during the first week of November.

Lloyd McClendon

Welcome to the great Northwest. FYI, we love that you know how to throw bases, kick dirt and otherwise get very animated when your team isn’t playing well.

It’s been a long time since we’ve had that kind of passion in the dugout.

Please don’t lose it!

Felix Hernandez

Your house burned down and a fellow player’s wife has stolen from you. It’s been kind of a tough off season for you. I hope this all doesn’t make your love for Seattle a little fuzzy. Speaking of fuzz, cleaning the lint trap on the dryer will stop those pesky fires. We want you to continue to bring the heat but that’s not exactly what we had in mind.

Hisashi Iwakuma

Officially a Cy Young finalist. Rightfully so I might add. Iwakuma, you were easily the best pitcher for the M’s this year. Your numbers are 2nd best in all of baseball to Clinton Kershaw and he plays in the National League. It’s a crime if you don’t get the AL Cy Young.

Jesus Montero

You are still on the roster! Are you as surprised as we are? Have you spoke to Alex? Give him a big “boooooo” for us when you speak to him next. The good news is that you still are on a roster based in the northwest. We are a lot more forgiving than in NY.

Carlos Peguero

You are still on the roster! Are you as surprised as we are?

Guilt by association apparently isn’t good enough to get you designated for assignment. I realize you might love her and all that but you might want to think twice about your choice in a wife if want to make it in the show. Your wife stealing from the face of the franchise is going to be detrimental to your career whether you know about it or not.

Raul Ibanez

Congratulations on winning the Hutch. You epitomize class and you are definitely deserving of this award. BTW… Do you think you have one more season left in the tank? We promise this time that you really will be playing off the bench in more of a part-time role situation and not an everyday starter.

If these young players struggle early though…. you are going to be out there.

Justin Smoak

I for one am glad to see you found a bit of that power in your stroke this year. I’d love to be the first to know what kind of number you are going to submit to the arbitration panel this year. BTW, there is this thing called Twitter.

Hey Smoak! Glad to see you found a bit of that power in your stroke this year.

Hey Smoak! Glad to see you found a bit of that power in your stroke this year.

You should be on it.

I heard they finally got electricity back in Goose Creek, SC this year so give it a shot.

Dustin Ackley

I don’t know where to start. I know it’s been tough trying to find that swing. You lost 2nd base to Franklin and so you moved to Center. Now the M’s keep acquiring outfielders. I have a feeling you are going to need to hit this year or you aren’t going to be teammates with your pal Kyle anymore.

Kyle Seager

Kyle, congrats on being one of the leading hitters the past few years for the M’s. Unfortunately you hit .258, .259, and .260 which doesn’t make you one of the leading hitters over all. Your numbers are trending up, we all like you, but you need to keep improving and by more than 1 percentage point per year in order to stick around.

Mike Zunino

Don’t worry. Everyone knows you were called up to the show far too early last year. That injury to your hand didn’t help things either. Next year, here is your mission. I realize it’s a tall order for a guy so young but I want you to be the starting catcher because just between you and me… I don’t think Jesus is going to be here much longer.

Oh and hit .260 next year while doing so.

Nick Franklin

Don’t worry about that August swoon of yours late last year. This is the Northwest. We forgive and forgive and forgive. By the way, we need you to have an OBP of at least .333 this next year or you might be labeled as a fluke. Good job with the glove though.

Brad Miller

Just read Nick Franklin‘s message.

Tom Wilhelmsen

What on earth happened? I’m not sure you even know. I can’t expect you to know if I don’t know. Whatever it is though…. FIX IT! My suggestion would be to take that 98 MPH fastball of yours and figure out how to put it on the corners.

Down the middle and belt high is no good no matter how hard you throw it.

Oh, one other thing… walking guys, that’s bad too.

Kendrys Morales

Look, we all know that you and your agent, Scott Boras, are after some mighty big dollars. It’s a depressed market for free agents and I’m sure I’d do the same thing in your shoes.

Do us a favor though please.

Reject our offer now so that we can let Jack Zduriencik concentrate on that draft pick he’s going to get by not re-signing you.


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About Brian Scott

Husband, Philosopher, Animal Rights Advocate, and Author Brian is a Spokane native and Gonzaga University grad. Seahawks, Mariners, GU Hoops and Cougar football are the teams that drive his passion for sports. You can catch him on twitter too! Connect with Brian today!
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