Look up dysfunction in the dictionary…2013 Seattle Mariners

You’ve got to be kidding me!

noun \(ˌ)dis-ˈfəŋ(k)-shən\  : the condition of having poor and unhealthy behaviors and attitudes within a group of people

If it’s not clear to you by now, perhaps someone needs to have you put on that “special” jacket and lock you in the rubber room for a while.

With Seattle Mariners Manager Eric Wedge announcing last week that he will not return in 2014, it should be clear as crystal that the team is in a state of dysfunction that rivals Lindsay Lohan’s rehab progress.

Last week, someone actually accused me of being too nice, and that sports writers in general that cover Seattle sports, particularly the Mariners, are too nice to the teams they cover when things aren’t going well.

Today, the gloves are off and my Northwest politeness has been cast aside.

I assure you though, I will still wear socks with sandals and a parka with my shorts.

It’s time to call this what it is

Eric Wedge Mariners Manager

Well, that lasted long. (Photo: Bleacher Report)

It’s a train wreck folks, and the engineers that caused this derailment are sitting in the shiny glass building, on the top floor, sipping sherry and smoking cigars.  They would be Chuck Armstrong and Howard Lincoln.

If this was the NFL, Armstrong and Lincoln should have been penalized 15 yards for impersonating major league baseball executives. How else can you explain a proven major league manager being treated the way these dimwits did last week?

If you think you can do better than Wedge, fire him.  If you want him back, you offer him a deal.  You don’t leave him twisting in the wind like last week’s laundry.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a big fan of Eric Wedge.  I don’t think he gets fired up enough at his team, his lineup cards are questionable and I don’t think he utilized his team’s speed properly; but who the heck are the Mariners going to hire now given their situation?

Seriously, what available major league manager in his right mind is going to think it would be a good idea to take over a team that has not had a winning season in more than a decade, has a GM on a 1 year deal, ownership possibly in transition, and aside from a couple of good starting pitchers has no proven players signed on their entire roster?

That’s assuming you can find a major league manager that isn’t under contract right now. 

Even if the Mariners were in the best of conditions as an organization, who’s available that’s better than Wedge?

Unless you plan on digging up the grave and resuscitating Sparky Anderson there isn’t ANYONE!

Dear, Paul Allen,

I realize you own the Trailblazers and the Seahawks already.  I’m sure you have connections in the tech world being a Microsoft guy and all.  Would you mind giving a friend or two a call at Nintendo this week?

Maybe you can work something out.  Why not have your hands in 3 out of the 4 major sports?  I’m sure you’d do great, and we all need you, desperately.


Every Mariners fan with a reusable grocery bag over their head.


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About Brian Scott

Husband, Philosopher, Animal Rights Advocate, and Author Brian is a Spokane native and Gonzaga University grad. Seahawks, Mariners, GU Hoops and Cougar football are the teams that drive his passion for sports. You can catch him on twitter too! Connect with Brian today!
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