The A-B-C’s of Seattle Ball
A is for Atrocity:
A word to describe most games. I’d like it to be for Dustin Ackley, but even he is an atrocity at the moment.
B is for Better:
The promise made by the front office to the fan base about the future.
C is for Catcher:
A position Jesus Montero isn’t destined for. If he’s as good of a hitter as promised, he needs to play every day. He can’t do that at catcher.
D is for Dump:
As in DUMP Chone Figgins.
E is for Edgar Martinez Drive:
The man that was the cornerstone of the Mariners offense for years driving in runs is now driving in fans – literally. The street beside the stadium was named after him.
F is for Fences:
Where the M’s point the blame for the home field disadvantage they seem to have. Although other teams don’t seem to have a problem going yard at Safeco.
Is moving in the fences really the problem? Some would say no – in which case they would say F is for FIRE NINTENDO!
G is for Gutierrez:
A man who will have an illness named after him one day.
H is for Hero:
Something the Mariners need. Maybe it will be the H word Hultzen for the dominate lefty in the farm system or maybe Hamilton a big name free agent at the end of the season.
I is for Ice:
I need something to help with the headaches the games incur.
J is for Jack Z:
A guy who I think is on the verge of GM greatness.
I’m trying to believe Jack I really am.
Help me overcome my unbelief.
K is for Ken Griffey Jr:
He represents the golden age of the franchise. Who can forget the smile, the pranks, the backwards cap and the ball that jumped off his bat.
L is for Loss:
A stat we see too often.
M is for Moose:
A mascot that makes no sense with the theme of seafaring Mariners, but shows the M’s commitment to the community as the Mariner Moose was chosen by local children.
N is for Nintendo:
The owners of the Mariners.
O is for Oh.
As in My “Oh” My. The famous call of the late Dave Niehaus.
We miss you Dave.
P is for Peoria:
The Mariners training grounds in Arizona. A place where the M’s always get my hopes up.
Q is for Quality Start:
Something that never used to be an issue.
R is for Runs:
Fans may be unfamiliar with this concept.
A run is what a team gets when a base runner crosses home plate.
S is for Seager:
A pleasant surprise this season.
T is for Triton:
The M’s first logo depicted a three tong fork known on the seas as a triton, however it was considered bad luck to hold the triton upside down – probably because you could impale yourself in the foot – a problem the M’s seem to have.
U is for Underdogs:
One of the reasons it is so exciting when the Mariners do win. Because we never expect them to.
V is for Vendetta:
A prolonged bitter campaign.
How else do you describe the 35 years of Mariners baseball?
W is for Why:
A question that never gets answered.
Can be used in the following ways:
Why can’t Ichiro hit the ball?
Why do good players play so terribly when they join the Mariners?
Why did Chone Figgins get a sex change?
Why do I subject myself to this?
X is for X-Rays:
Where Franklin Gutierrez spends most of his time.
Y is for Yankees:
The dream killers of 1995.
Z is for Zunino:
The Mariners 2012 first round draft pick.
There you have it folks, try not to fall out of your computer chair laughing too hard.