Christmas Time In Van City: Five Gifts For The BC Lions

Holiday Gift Ideas

The BC Lions already received three pretty great gifts this year.

They have a beautiful brand new stadium, they raised the Grey Cup in BC Place and gave Vancouver the champion swagger they lost after the Canucks lost Game 7 and the ensuing riot (wait is this 1994 or 2011?), and then they saw the team they beat in the West Finals trade Rick Ray away under dubious circumstances and for little return, so what do you put under their tree for an encore?

1. Blank Cheque

First, let’s give them a blank cheque and a dumptruck full of toonies to re-sign Paul McCallum, perhaps the Lions best kicker since Lui Passaglia.

A time machine is also an option for the 41 year old, but he’s not showing any signs of slowing down.

He’s the first kicker to be nominated by the Lions as Most Outstanding Player and Most Outstanding Canadian so yeah he’s kind of important if the Lions want to repeat next year.

Just whatever I get, rest assured I won’t dump it on his lawn.

2. Benevide

For new head coach Mike Benevide I was going to give him Wally Buono‘s football brain but really he already has that.

Instead I’ll give him a copy of the CFL Rulebook and a helpful note that highlights the fact that there’s no passage that says a giraffe can’t play football in it.

Think about that one Mike and get back to me. The Greater Vancouver Zoo is in trouble and all those animals probably count as non-imports.

3. Wally

For Wally Buono I’ll get him a nice cigar some fine brandy and whatever else he wants because gods know he deserves it.

Put your feet up Wally and I’ll take care of you like you took care of this team so well.

Travis Lulay

Travis Lulay, the latest ginger athlete to steal Vancouver's heart

You took an 0-5 team and led them to a championship. That’s like one of those miracles you always hear about this time of year.

4. Lulay

Next on the list is Travis Lulay, the latest ginger athlete to steal Vancouver’s heart.

He’s already got two pretty great gifts in the Most Outstanding Player and Grey Cup MVP awards, and really he’s a gift to every Lions fan in this quarterback-starved league so why not keep it simple and give him a trip home to Aumsville, Portland next August during the town’s pride and joy, the annual corn festival?

After all, his parents drive up all the time to see their son command drives on the field, let’s give them a break too.

Oh and maybe some Jeff Garcia gametapes so he can learn from the CFL’s original red-headed gunslinger.

5. The Cup

Finally, another Grey Cup win in 2012 would be the ultimate gift for the fans, coaches, and players so with that in mind let’s focus on the running game that sucked last year.

My previous suggestion of recruiting Canadian-born animals could still apply here (a cheetah would be amazing in the backfield) but even better we could attach rocket skates to Andrew Harris and Jamal Robertson and let them really fly on the field.

Of course they could just find a better running back through a trade or the draft or free agency or any of those traditional routes but that’s boring and rocket skates are the exact opposite of boring.

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About Richard Hodges

A proud Vancouverite with a lifelong passion for the home teams that some would classify as pointless and disturbing. Now realizes that The Linden Tree is not the play you think it would be.
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