Slouch’s Weekend Plays: Free “Expert” Football Handicapping Picks

Saturday Morning Slouch

It all started on Oct. 29th, 2011: On an gorgeous Saturday afternoon in Eugene, Ore. (Don’t believe that last line. There is nothing gorgeous about Eugene), Oregon defeated Washington State, 43-28, sending what should’ve been a glorious weekend straight into the toilet.


The triple squadouche…. In one weekend!

I haven’t seen this type of weekend since Mike Holmgren, Tyrone Willingham, and Paul Wulff conspired to make every fall weekend of 2008  my own personal living nightmare. (That was bad)

I thought I was over these type of weekends. (Nope)

How did Darron Thomas, Phillip Rivers, and Tom Brady ever find the time to squeeze me into their schedules? This type of railroading is only found in the American criminal justice system. (Oh no he didn’t!!)

Back to the article The Slouch was 2-3 last week

At 5-5 I’m one win away from clinching my first ever bowl birth, and I’ve accepted an invitation to play in “The kids eat free on Tuesday’s Denny’s Grand Slam Bowl” sponsored by Hairmasters. (It’s a very prestigious bowl. Very big for the program).

The Seahawks managed to out “Seahawks” themselves in last weeks loss to Bengals. Can it really be that Charlie Whitehurst is the reincarnation of Kelly Stouffer? He’s bad! He’s Akili Smith bad. He’s Jim Drunkenmiller bad. (That’s pretty bad). He makes Joey Harrington look like Mark Sanchez (That’s still bad). You get my point.

The best part about the Seahawks loss was the ensuing days that followed. The entire national media caught a case of Bengals fever. I haven’t seen this much love for the Bengals since Susanna Hoffs made men weak in the knees back in 1986!

Anyway, here are are my weekend picks

All lines courtesy of Bovada Sportsbook – Grab a 10% Deposit Bonus NOW – CLICK HERE

Oregon -16.5 at Washington

Chip Kelly takes the quack attack (Gordon Bombay lives) on the road to Seattle in the mother of all trap games. Two good offenses versus two mediocre defenses equals buyer beware. Yes all the money is going Oregon’s way (ironic), but all the Mo is in Washington’s corner. Slouch Says: Stay away from Oregon. Dawgs cover the +16.5

Washington State at Cal -9.5

“You take the good, you take bad, you take them both, and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life”. Funny how Tudy how the foreshadowing ability to predict the 2011 Washington State Cougars. One week they lifeless against Oregon State, and the next week the give Oregon a run for their money (first half). This team is wildly unpredictable. Then again they are now playing for their bowl life so maybe we will see the real Cougs. Slouch Says: Take the Cougs. Seriously take the Cougs and the +9.5

On to the NFL = No Fun League. ( a.k.a. my last girlfriend)

Seattle at Dallas -11.5

If you have been paying attention, I have given you the 3 cardinal rules in regards to the Seahawks. Never start a land war in Asia, Never get into a battle of wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line (The Princess Bride never gets old), and NEVER put money on the Seahawks on the road.  Cappers Picks

Especially if the bearded wonder is under center. It’s bad for business and your rep. Slouch Says: Romo doesn’t even have to be Romo on Sunday. Cowboys and the -11.5

Atlanta -8.5 at Indianapolis

Indy is leading the charge out of the gate (no pun) as the early leaders for John Elway v2.0. This year’s version of the Colts are making the 2008 Detroit Lions (0-16) look like world beaters. Does Peyton Manning really have that much of a karmic hold on the Colts or do the Colts just not have any talent? It’s both. Either way, Indy isn’t winning a game anytime soon. Slouch Says: Even the Falcons D couldn’t screw this up. Atlanta and the -8.5

San Fransisco -4 at Washington

The 49ers are good. Take at step back and let that soak in for a minute. I’ll wait. It’s been awhile since I have made such bold claims, but it’s true. The 49ers are 6-1, and have three solid road victories this season. The Redskins on the other hand are the Redskins. They haven’t beaten anyone of importance, and that trend will continue this weekend. Jim Harbaugh really is “Captain Comeback”. Slouch Says: 49ers and the -4

There you are folks five games you can be proud of. Or at the very least five games that should make your bank account look slightly better. The Slouch’s infinite wisdom has once again brought you the winning combination (kinda) for your betting pleasure.

Now kick back your feet, stuff your face full of wings, tip back a beer or two, and have a fantastic weekend.

(Bet Now At (Link Directs You To If Your In Canada))

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