Saturday Morning Slouch
Free Football Picks! A very big thank you goes out to all those fine folks out there who decided at the last minute they believed in the new pop-culture icon Tim Tebow so much, they felt compelled to bet on the Broncos at the last minute.
Just by showing your appreciation towards Tebow, the line dropped by 2, and Tebow’s last second heroics turned the slouch’s weekend into a winner. Nice!!
As you can tell by my opening paragraph something happened over last weekend. This national love affair for Tim Tebow has swept me off my feet. I love this kid. Not only is he quite possibly the worst QB I’ve ever seen, but this pop-culture phenomenon “Tebow-ing” has compelled me so much, that I ended up on a pool table last night performing that phenomenon.
It was a scene; pictures could be made available.
Back to the article
The slouch was 3-2 last week.
It would’ve been an even more impressive of weekend had the Tree’s not rolled up 60 points on the Montlake Madness. (Secretly all fans of the WSU nation had a collective smile on their face, so it wasn’t all bad)
Oh wait, why am I forgetting about that soccer match in Cleveland? Wasn’t that a fitting end to the weekend?
The Seahawks offense was so soccer-like bad (soccer sucks) that I was standing on my couch feeling so compelled to scream “Scarves Up”.
This week the Slouch has a collection of 5 games that should give you the proper strutting ability at the water cooler come Monday morning.
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The Slouch’s top-5 games to keep your eyes on..
Arizona at Washington -4
How do you fully recover from a beat down on national television?
The first thing you do is have your head coach take over the defensive duties. Can you really blame Sark? I mean Stanford rushed for 446 yards.
That’s most teams total yardage output, and Stanford did that on the ground .In one game!
The good news for the Madnees on Montlake is that you have a perfect opportunity to make good at home, and I fully expect them to. Slouch says: Dawgs at home? (Italian voice) Forget about it. Take the Dawgs and the -4
Washington State at #7 Oregon -32.5
Am I really handicapping this game? Not to sound all Dennis Green on you because lord knows we have seen all of those dopy Coors Light commercials, but Oregon is exactly who we think they are. A team that can’t win the big game. (oh snap)
Unfortunately this game comes nowhere close to being a big game, and my Cougs should be looking forward to next week.
(Sorry WSU nation) Slouch says: Oy! Oregon and the -32.5. Obviously
Turning our attention to Roger Goodell’s happy medium.
Cincinnati – 1 at Seattle
What did I tell you guys last week?
Never bet on the Seahawks on the road. Ever!!
There is an amendment to that rule. Never under any circumstances bet on the Seahawks if Charlie Whitehurst is in the equation.
Bad things happen to good teams if he is under center. Does everyone remember Dan McGwire?
It’s looking like Whitehurst will start on Sunday, so I will be doing some constructive drinking during this game. Slouch says: Take the Bengals and the -1.
San Diego -4 at Kansas City
The Chargers will win this game.
Not because the Chiefs are completely over-matched in every way, but because Phillip Rivers hates losing two in a row.
Seriously, stand back.
Don’t mess with Phillip Rivers when he is in a bad mood. Big numbers go up, and bad teams take the back end. I actually feel bad for Chiefs fans all of a sudden. Slouch says: Take the Bolts and -4
New England -3 at Pittsburgh
This isn’t even fair. New England (Tom Brady) owns Pittsburgh.
We have learned a long time ago that betting against Brady in big games is probably the worst thing you could possibly do (forget the last Super Bowl).
These are the games that have solidified his legacy, and have made him a millionaire 50 times over. Let’s be honest with each other for a minute, Brady would’ve ended up a millionaire anyway. Have you seen his hair?
(It’s worth a million bucks all by itself) Slouch Says: The hoody will not let you down. Take the Brady’s and the -3
I hope the Slouch’s infinite (good lord) wisdom has brought you the winning combination for your betting pleasure.
Enjoy your weekend my friends.
Now kick your feet back, stuff your faces full of wings, and tip back a few beers. It’s time for some football. Let the healing begin. Amen!