coffee-shop

Wayne Gretzky has #99 problems and his daughter is one

Oooo…Scaaandalooouuus

A week or so ago, the world at large was up in arms over Facebook’s expensive acquisition of Instagram, wondering what on earth could make the photo publishing website worth $1 billion.

Enter Paulina Gretzky, she the daughter of the Great One and Janet Jones who sent the internet, uh, atwitter when she posted a series of photos on Instagram from a recent Las Vegas vacation (a vacation from what?) that were really just a series of bikini shots with some random guys and gals.

Hot on the heels of her controversial and now deleted-by-decree-of-99 Twitter photos and those paparazzi shots of her leaving an LA club in lingerie, let’s just say her latest photo shoot has raised the bar for rich girls with daddy’s money quite like her dad once did for generational hockey talent.

As fellow McMath Secondary alumni Brittany Carnegie might say, Wanye Greatsky control your brawd.

But really who can control a woman enjoying the social status that hockey affords? If the saga of Mike Richards, Jeff Carter and Dry Island is any indication, players can barely control themselves when they have actual responsibilities and everything.

So while I try to convince Paulina to Call Me Maybe, might I present historical examples of hockey players failing to control their broads.

wayne gretzky

Oooh yaaa, yaaa Wayne, she's hot!

(Of course if I ever touch Paulina, Dave Semenko’s son will beat me silly.)

Chris Pronger And the Minus Thirty-two Weather

When the Edmonton Oilers acquired Chris Pronger and made their way to within a game of winning the Cup in 2006, no one foresaw a summer where Pronger would demand a trade and by proxy condemn the franchise to the hell they find themselves in now.

Rumours began to circulate that Pronger’s wife was behind the trade, unhappy with the weather in Edmonton or, more salaciously, unhappy with Pronger’s affairs in Edmonton.

Needless to say, the circumstances surrounding the trade caused a bit of controversy in Champion City, one made even tougher by the meddling return of Joffrey Lupul and Ladislav Smid and the fact that Pronger went on to win the Cup in Anaheim.

Of course there were two silver linings: first, by virtue of the Ducks making the Finals, the Oilers receieved an extra first round pick that they used to select Jordan Eberle, and second it gave Ilya Bryzgalov a platform to make his media debut.

The Real Hockeywives of Vancouver

You’ve probably heard rumours before of Jeff Brown and Kirk McLean and an unauthorized one-way wife swap. There was definitely the time Brown was a late scratch and called the move gutless and was immediately shipped out to Hartford.

And of course when Kirk McLean was acquired by Carolina a few years later, Brown was immediately traded that day to Toronto. In his book “Why the Leafs Suck,” Al Strachan even laments that Brown was then-GM Ken Dryden’s best move only because the circumstances demanded a quick trade for personal reasons.

It’s only a rumour, but its a persistent rumour with legs. Long beautiful legs.

Discussion Forum for Niklas Hjalmarsson’s Girlfriend

Does Niklas Hjalmarsson have a girlfriend? Is he dating someone? Is he married? Would you date him?

hjalmarsson

Damn Nik...Damn!

The internet can be a weird place, but one that can also bear fruit, like this online discussion forum for girlfriends/wives of pro athletes.

Take the ‘Hawks Niklas Hjalmarsson for instance, whose girlfriend apparently enjoys making videos of herself walking the “runway” in the kitchen, or uh whatever is going on here (NSFW?).

The site offers a fascinating glimpse into the WAG life and a skeezy glimpse into the online life of those who obsessively follow them.

But I mean who doesn’t want screenshots of Claude Giroux DMs or heated discussions about Brad Richards’ promiscuity or try to imagine whatever Carey Price did to get an anti-fan page.

I Bet You This Is The Last Sub-Section

Finally, to bring it back full circle, let’s not forget that Janet Jones herself was implicated in the Rick Tocchet betting ring scandal a couple years back.

The awesomely named police sting “Operation Slap Shot” uncovered the eight-month long betting ring that saw over $1.7 million wagered over 40 days and may or may not have been tied to the Bruno-Scarfo crime family of Philadelphia.

Of course, it’s very possible that Janet was only placing bets for her husband, but nooo…the Great One would never do that.

Oh by the way in the 2000-01 Philadelphia Flyers media guide, Tocchet lists “The Godfather” as his favourite movie.

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About Richard Hodges

A proud Vancouverite with a lifelong passion for the home teams that some would classify as pointless and disturbing. Now realizes that The Linden Tree is not the play you think it would be.
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  • http://twitter.com/vancan19 Josh Hall

    This is too funny. Well done Richard!

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