The Phantom Call…I mean Menace
With the re-release of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace in glorious 3D, we got to thinking.
Why not pay tribute to the brilliant mind of George Lucas by taking a look at some past and present incarnations of the Canucks (and others surrounding the team) while anointing them as Star Wars characters?
Of course there’s only one way to do this (not really) and that is Top 10 Style.
Attempts at connecting relationships from within the duo-trilogy and Episode 1 were thought out…very hard.
10. Trevor Linden – Luke Skywalker
The last of the Jedi, Luke was and the last true Canucks hero, Trevor remains. He will forever go down as Captain Canuck. One might say he knew the way of the Canuck better than anyone through philanthropy, courage and farm-work in his native Alberta.
9. Brian Burke – Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader
The former Director of Hockey Operations for the Canucks from 1987-1992 started off as a loved figure on the Vancouver Sports scene. A lot younger, he had a hand in drafting Trevor Linden. His growth into a great GM and even more loved man has been translated into hate.
In Toronto he resides; the center and scum of the galaxy.
8. Jennifer Mather Burke – Padmé Amidala / Queen Amidala
A local news anchor in VanCity, Mather is married to Brian Burke. They once enjoyed a life of solitude together on the West Coast before Brian chose his path to the dark side. First Anaheim; then Toronto.
All the while, Mather gave birth to Trevor Linden….wait. Scratch that, they just had their own kids together.
7. John Garrett – Yoda
Behind the mic this man is and to give sage advice on cheez whiz, different cereals and best of all, peanut butter, he does. Complete, his mind is when it comes to knowing the way of the Canuck.
6. Stan Smyl – Obi-Wan Kenobi
The Steamer played three seasons with the last of the Jedi, Trevor Linden. He guided the young man for the first three seasons of his career.
Obi-Wan was known as “The Negotiator” due to the way he used his Jedi mind tricks and Smyl was very much the same in the way he intimidated opponents on the ice.
5. Gary Bettman – Chancellor Palpatine / Darth Sidious
While not directly connected to the Canucks, Gary Bettman has done many a thing to tick us Canucks fans off. Bettman spent the early part of his career in a few different executive positions within the NBA.
The highest he made it was 3rd in command.
Unfortunately, he was driven by greed to the dark side, which in this case is the NHL.
Since then, he has wreaked havoc among the rules and implemented much resistance to moving have-not teams.
Much like Chancellor Palpatine and his alter-ego, we all just wish he would have stayed where he was in the first place.
4. Roger Nielson – Qui-Gon Jinn
An advisor of the Steamer (Obi-Wan) during the 1982 Stanley Cup run, Roger taught Stan many life lessons and the way of the Canuck as his Padawan. As we well know, Roger left a lasting legacy on Canucks Nation in the form of Towel Power.
In The Phantom Menace, Master Qui-Gon doesn’t exactly give up his life so easily, but in the end lost the battle to the evil Sith Darth Maul. He is alike to Roger in the way COACH Canuck gave up to referees by waving that white towel.
3. Mike Keenan – Lando Calrissian
Entrusted by GM Pat Quinn to improve the team, he quickly garnered a horrible relationship with every Canucks fan’s true love, Trevor Linden. He betrayed Pat Quinn’s trust forcing him to make the trade involving Linden to the Islanders.
He betrayed the fans of Vancouver, those of which he had made no personal connection with, much like how Lando Calrissian; dashing rogue, betrayed Han Solo.
2. Mike Gillis – Jabba The Hutt
You have to hand it to Jabba. As much as Star Wars fans love to hate on that nerf-herder, he freakin’ froze a guy in carbonite. On top of that, he had Leia by his side at one point. Carrie Fisher was smokin’ in that costume.
Think about that for just a minute and consider how awesome it is.
Mike Gillis has made some questionable decisions, such as offering Mats Sundin a $20 million bounty in exchange for signing a contract. That aside, he’s done some pretty excellent and progressive things; and he’s got Jabba’s cheeks.
1. Daniel Sedin and Henrik Sedin – R2D2 and C3PO
How could I leave out the twins?
Needless to say for Brian Burke, these WERE the droids he was looking for. It is true the Sedins play with much more finesse than one would imagine getting from a hunk of metal.
However they do have quite the advantage in skill, making them much like some sort of artificial intelligence, able to dominate opponents.
Artoo and Threepio always had that brotherly companionship between them.
It was after all co-operation between the two that got Threepio himself, Luke, Leia and Han out of that trash compactor alive.
Cody Hodgson – An Ewok (Just because he’s been helping out the Canucks a hell of a lot more than we expected him too.
Jannik Hansen – Jar Jar Binks (Look at their two faces beside each other.)
Pavel Bure – Princess Leia Organa (He left town on quite the whiny note.)
Dave Babych – Chewbacca (Moustache. That is all.)
Mark Messier – General Grievous (For causing us so much pain and wheeling right out of town again.)
Back in January, I likened the Bruins to TV Characters. Check it out HERE!
For the best damn Star Wars website out there, check out StarWars.com