Vancouver Canucks Birthday Presents: Roberto Luongo


April 4th – the rootinest, tootinest, high faLUUUUUtinest birthday of them all; that of Roberto Luongo. Yes, the man we all know and love…and hate turns 33 on Wednesday, the same amount of globs of hair grease he uses each day.

He has to “maintain” those jerry curls right?

So what does one get for one of the currently highest paid goaltenders in the NHL? Read on and find out the top 5 gifts for Roberto Luongo on his birthday.

roberto luongo

No one is innocent according to Lu's shirt. NO ONE!

Real Greeeazzzy

As mentioned, what’s a good day for Roberto Luongo without some slicked back hair? What better way to slick back said mop with Murray’s Original Pomade.

Here’s the thing, it’s super cheap. I’m talking a 3 oz. tin for 3 dollars. So why not get together with 10 of your finest friends; you can all pitch in $3 and purchase 33 total oz. of this pomade which has greased the curls of NHL goaltenders since 1926.

The online shopping cart description of the Original Pomade says it adds texture, shine and lift while holding hair in place all day.

Hello…this IS Roberto Luongo.

Price: $33.00

Dear Diary

Bobby Lu doesn’t seem like one to blog his thoughts for the entire world to see. Brad Marchand would have a field day writing one of his online diary entries on whatever Lu had to say.

So let’s allow him to keep his thoughts private with a classy moleskin journal. It’s well known around VanCity that Roberto likes to take walks around the seawall to clear his mind so this can just be another outlet for venting or mind clearing when it’s needed.

Why go cheap? Say happy birthday with a genuine moleskin journal; because nothing says we appreciate you more than sheets of paper encased by the hide of a dead animal.

Price: $16.95

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots

This gift will work either way; regardless of what happens in the playoffs coming up. Yes, let’s break out the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

Disaronno Amaretto to be exact; only the most exquisite straight from Italia.

Should the Canucks lose, Luongo will have something to drown his sorrows with.

Should the Canucks win, you just know what Lu will be sipping out of Lord Stanley’s mug.

Price: $24.99

A Yuppie Barker


Not this one! Then again, maybe it could scare off Brad Marchand.

If you can decipher code, that means a snooty dog for Luongo’s every day Yaletown life.

The little guy, or girl can give Roberto plenty of good times when he is home and keep his wife and kids happy when he isn’t home.

Happy wife; happy life. Am I right guys? Am I right ladies?

Seriously though, if there’s anyone on the Canucks I can see with a dinky little Chihuahua, it’s Luongo. He can even grease its little hairs back.

Price: $300.00

Italiano Music

What could be more soothing and calming than the sounds and songs of Luciano Pavarotti?

I am suggesting one particular album from his enormous discography but keep in mind almost any one record would do the trick.

Let’s go with Pavarotti Plus – Verdi from July 1995. The main title of the disc is Hymns of the Nation. This will bring Roberto’s mind back to his motherland where he can feel at home with family and friends.

I know he wasn’t born in Italy but one would think with Italian parents, he had a very Italian upbringing.

Plus, Pavarotti somewhat resembles Mark Donnelly, so more of the home town feeling.

Price: $14.00

Happy 33rd Roberto! Here’s to a great playoff run.

Check out this Birthday Poem for Roberto from @_ellienuck_ : #LuoLove

Birthday Presents: Marc-Andre Gragnani

Birthday Presents: Jannik Hansen

Birthday Presents: Cory Schneider

Birthday Presents: Maxim Lapierre


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  • I’d get him a pair of headphones to go with a Hoodie to hide during those Seawall walks. 

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