Maxim Lapierre may be one of the most despised and looked down upon players in the National Hockey League but you’d think people could be nice for just one day right?
I pose this question because on Thursday, March 29th, Lappy as he’s affectionately known will be turning 27 years of age.
So what does one get a 207 pound centre-man from Saint-Léonard, Quebec?
This whole birthday presents thing has sort of caught on so I decided to take to the social media world for this one and I asked you, the readers, what you would get for the hyena?
Troll LvL: Lapierre
If you are not familiar with the troll-face meme, then you need to quickly google it and hook yourself on 9gag.com for some daily laughs.
Wikipedia defines ‘Troll’ as, “someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.”
This obviously describes Lapierre very well in an on-ice sense as he’s the kind of guy to get under your skin until you want to jump out of it.
Conclusion: Something emblazoned with troll-face on it, or maybe just his own face.
Y U No Punch?
Lappy used to be known more for his turtling skills as opposed to his stand up and fight like a man skills. This season however, he has 8 major penalties, most of which if my memory serves me right, are actual fighting majors.
So Kenny, a punching bag is a great idea, especially one with Marchand’s face on it. With Lappy’s fights up but his skills relatively low sans mitts, he can work on his jab, upper-cut and even his troll-face.
Let’s just hope for two things:
A) Lappy doesn’t try punching the photo with his finger. Broken digits are not needed right now.
B) Marchand’s nose isn’t 3D.
Remove It or I’ll Remove it For You
This is comes full circle back to the meme thing. It’s as if Maxim Lapierre is the personification of modern day memery. This time, it’s the ‘U Mad Bro?’
Mark is bang on here; IF you were on one of the other 29 teams.
How badly were Canucks fans clamouring for Steve Ott to be dealt here at the trade deadline? Everyone knows he a horse’s rear end but if he’s wearing our colours, he can be the biggest rump this side of Dustin Byfuglien for we care.
Though if you are going to get him said cloth to wipe said smirk off said annoying and amusing as hell face, please don’t go cheap. Get him some nice cheese cloth that will be smooth on that frenchy grin of his.
Dat Chick Cray
Thanks to Alex and thanks to Jay-Z & Kanye West for this one. They have pointed out the obvious; ‘dat’ or ‘dose’ chicks ‘cray’ and ‘dey cray’ over the questionably good looking Max Lapierre.
But Max Lapierre? I mean that toothy grin with the constant troll-face and acts of being tickier than a tick.
Yet somehow, he has a swath of young and a bit older puck bunnies following him around grocery store to home and city to city.
In the words of Alain Vigneault, he’s got, “a face only a mother can love.”
Lapierre Poutine – Trolololol
If you understand the above joke, good on you for keeping up with current events.
Brek and Ryan, you read my mind. What could be better than french fries drowned in gravy topped with “squeaky cheese?”
On top of that, en entire month’s worth. Now are we talking one order a day then let’s ensure Max balances his day by eating a gigantic salad.
Now maybe something high in calories is a good thing at times but one a day could be a disaster especially this time of year.
CalorieCount.Com tells me a standard poutine has 710 calories (which is probably low-balling it) and gets a nutritional grade of a D+.
A D+ for crying out loud; that’s almost a fail in school. We do not need Lappy failing right now but for the sake of his birthday, he can have the month’s worth of poutine but order all 31 on the same day and share them with his team-mates.
Oh and nice touch with the fist bump.
You can Rest if You’re the Best
Obviously, it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to go to a spa. I’m pretty sure the Canucks even have their own spa within the locker room facilities at Rogers Arena.
However, the most important part of this equation is that coveted Stanley Cup.
The last year has seen Max grow as a player and into a more disciplined, well rounded center-man, despite it being mostly on the 4th line. If he can take advantage of that larger leadership role and expectation of being more discipline, Lappy could have that ring two and half months from now.
One can hope.
Happy Birthday Max!
Birthday Presents: Marc-Andre Gragnani
Birthday Presents: Jannik Hansen
Birthday Presents: Cory Schneider