canucks

Five reasons Cory Schneider is more patriotic than the Bruins Tim Thomas

USA! USA!

By now, we’re all aware of Tim Thomas’ standing up of Barack Obama. No one in Boston was willing to comment much due to the fact that politics and sports really are like oil and water, especially in a political climate thrown into partisan hyperdrive by the ongoing Republican primaries.

NHL Hockey

Thomas' standing up of Barack Obama...Classy? Classless?

The Bruins offered up no comment after no comment except to clarify that Thomas’ views were not theirs and imply that they were disappointed in his actions.

Thomas himself offered a simple Randomly Capitalized statement on Facebook that was pretty textbook in it’s message: Thomas is an INDIVIDUAL and the Government is evil. Simple Tea Party stuff.

I’m unsure whether to use this Abe Simpson reference or this one.

Of course, this controversy was highly played up in Vancouver because all the Canucks hate the Bruins and their stupid faces.

The media originally tried to get reaction from Roberto Luongo because Luongo talking about Thomas tends to spark fire but wisely Mr. Luu offered a quick no comment. He’s learning!

But Cory Schneider, the go-to goalie for all things Bruins now, was a little more forthcoming.

“Every person is entitled to their rights, that’s the point of the constitution,” Schneider said. “You can have free speech, free religion, politics and all that stuff. So it’s absolutely Tim’s right. His beliefs are his own and that’s fine. It’s just the timing is a little odd.

If your entire team is going, it’s about the team to kind of put your own agenda aside and maybe just show up in support.

“Obviously he believes strongly in his political views,” Schneider continued. “But, as an American, I think we all have a little bit of respect for the position of the president. Whether you like the guy or not, he’s the president of the United States.

Tim has made a great living and a great career in the United States and I’m sure he’s benefited from tax-paying dollars and every other right that as an American citizen we all enjoy. It’s a little bit of a slight to sort of forget all that and choose to do this.”

BOOM!

Take that, Mr. Thomas!

Cory Schneider sees your Glenn Beck-influenced paranoid don’t tread on me rhetoric and raises you a thoughtful, carefully considered, rational response that even has Boston media begrudgingly agreeing with him!

So as a Canadian with no direct contact with the American Federal state let me show you why Cory Schneider is more patriotic than Tim Thomas. (U-S-A! U-S-A!)

1. You Think Obama Cares About Tim Thomas?

Barack Obama is a cool cat who enjoys sports and playing them to highlight the age difference between him and all the other Grandpas in politics. Just not hockey.

He’s never been to a Capitals game, or a Blackhawks game, and judging by the Bruins visit, he had clearly had no idea who any of them were.

Thus, Barack Obama probably didn’t want to be there but realized the apolitical ceremony was nothing more than a simple in-and-out photo-op. If Thomas had realized this he would have shown up and blended in the background for the betterment of the team despite his desire for the spotlight, quite like Cory Schneider does most nights on the Canucks bench.

2. Free Speech

Tim Thomas, judging by the daily quotes from past Conservative political leaders he posts on his facebook page, loves free speech. He also loves to exercise it, yet somehow doesn’t love it when people use their right to free speech to question what he’s saying.

Bruins

You think Obama cares about Tim Thomas?

This sounds hypocritical to me, but perhaps I haven’t stumbled upon the right Calvin Coolidge quote to properly understand this position.

Cory Schneider meanwhile uses his right to free speech to impersonate Jannik Hansen, which is the best possible use of free speech.

3. Tim Thomas Never Learns

Somehow, Thomas didn’t apply the lessons learnt during the White House controversy and recently used Facebook to speak out in support of Catholics regarding the issue of contraceptives being covered by health plans. He backs this up with a famous quote about complacency leading to Hitler.

Two things here Tim. First, you’re a goalie which means you are the sports equivalent of a contraceptive. Every shot is sacred.

Second, have you even heard of Godwin’s law?

4. They Took Our Jobs!

Oh Tim Thomas, great American worker you are, can’t you see that Tuuka Rask, a (gasp!) foreigner, is gonna take your job? You’re going to allow your position to be outsourced like that?

Tim Thomas

You won a democratic election in a socialist state.

Cory Schneider meanwhile is hard at work taking over a highly valuable position from a Canadian on Canadian soil. He’s treating the Canucks like an oil executive is treating the Tar Sands, and that right there is *sniff* the America I know and love (and fear).

5. The Travails of Tim Thomas’ Travels

Wait, wait, wait. Tim Thomas has played in Finland, that socialist haven? And the Elitserien in Sweden, so socialist the sun goes on welfare in the winter?

This is all very interesting Mr. Thomas.

You also won the Kultainen kypärä award as the SM-liiga’s top player, an award voted on by the players. You won a democratic election in a socialist state.

I’m sorry but your past is shadier than Barack Obama’s.

I’m going to need to see a long-form birth certificate.

You thought this was America, didn’t you Tim Thomas?

Well sometimes you seem to want things to be one way when it’s the other way while Cory Schneider realizes that sometimes you got to, this America man.

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About Richard Hodges

A proud Vancouverite with a lifelong passion for the home teams that some would classify as pointless and disturbing. Now realizes that The Linden Tree is not the play you think it would be.
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  • http://twitter.com/vancan19 Josh Hall

    loved it. very clever

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