Canucks Mike Gillis needs to put out a bounty on Brad Marchand

Waddle over Dustin Byfuglien

Take a taxi Patrick Kane. Drive away on those fresh new tires Tim Thomas. Go buy a bunk bed from IKEA Dave Bolland.

You’ve all had your turn as Public Enemy Number One in Vancouver, but this weekend a young go-getter from Boston scurried into the spotlight and made a convincing long-term claim for the title.

Brad Marchand low-bridged his way into all of our hearts (assuming they’re somewhere below the knees) Saturday morning by flipping Sami Salo like he was a pool.

As vindictive games of Mouse Trap sprung up all around the Lower Mainland this weekend, so too did rentals of Mouse Hunt.

Today, the verdict from the Shanaban  came down, and came down hard.

Five games. One for each inch of his nose.

But we’re not going to let him off that easily.

There are five very good reasons for the Canucks to want to see revenge on Marchand.

The reasons are the same number as Marchand’s suspension, but unlike those games, this list won’t cost Marchand $152,000.

1. The Self-Defence Claim

Marchand’s been consistent with his claims that he clipped Salo merely in self-defence, a claim backed by his coach and General Manager.

Marchand Salo

Marchand's been consistent with his claims that he clipped Salo merely in self-defence

The problem is that we’re talking about Sami Salo. If Sami Salo was a bear, he would be a Care Bear. Marchand claims that he saw Salo come towards him and feared for his safety because of the height disadvantage.

Marchand is 5’9″. There are very very few players in the league who do not possess a height advantage on him.

As Shanahan explains in the ever so helpful and ever so on-point video, Salo is gliding into the confrontation with no seeming intent to go above and beyond the rules to destroy Brad Marchand.

After all, it was Marchand punching Salo in the back of the head just prior to the incident, not the other way around. The defense didn’t pass even a cursory smell test, and I’m glad Shanahan told him it stank too.

2. Sami Salo Does NOT Need Help Getting Injured

He’s very good at doing that himself, thank you very much.

A couple years ago Sami Salo was bitten by a very rare Finnish poisonous snake in Finland. Up until this point it was his only animal related injury, but he can now add Boston rat to that list.

Sami Salo had been a feel good story for the Canucks, climbing back after the Achilles injury last year, taking a paycut over the Summer, and playing fantastic injury-free hockey up until Saturday.

It’s a big part of what made Marchand’s low-bridge too far so frustrating. It’s why Sami threw his stick in frustration after getting up. When you have a gypsy curse on you, you don’t need to be taken out by dirty hits on top of that.

But again, Marchand was scared of being hit by a 37-year-old docile Finn.

3. Brad Marchand’s NEW defence

After news broke of the suspension and it was clear Marchand’s claims of self-defence didn’t take, Peter Ch-chChiarelli released a statement claiming that Marchand had sought clarification on submarining players at the start of the year and was told that in specific isolated instances, they were fine.

What Marchand and Chiarelli fail to get is that this was not one of those times. Chiarelli also tried to say the point of contact was not below the knees but that pesky video evidence just isn’t doing him any favours.

Brenden Shanahan himself called one player involved in this predatory, and your hint is that it wasn’t Sami Salo.

4. Claude Julien and His Mouth

“I think it’s pretty hypocritical, everything that’s been going on. It’s unfortunate because, you know, sometimes you gotta look in your backyard. We all know that [Vigneault’s”] got the same type of players on his team and they’ve all done the same thing. You just have to look at Burrows putting his blade in Thornton’s throat.

It’s so hypocritical.

It’s unfortunate.

I guess we’re stupid, we’re idiots, they’re the smartest team in the league.”

I still don’t get Boston’s inability to just admit a mistake.

Marchand should just claim heat of the moment or emotion of the game, apologize and move on.

Mike Gillis

Canucks Mike Gillis needs to put out a bounty on Brad Marchand

Instead, Boston insists in dragging it into a He Said/She Said spectacle where the very notion that Brad Marchand is a dirty player is insulting.

It’s a weird game they’re playing where everything but the actual hit is being used as context. What Burrows did with his stick has nothing at all to do with Marchand.

It wasn’t even penalized.

Say what you want about Alex Burrows but he’s never ever been fined or suspended for on-ice actions (the Auger fine isn’t relevant here). At the end of the day would you rather have your hair pulled and a finger chomped down on or would you rather suffer a concussion.

Alex Burrows doesn’t play to end careers.

There’s a huge difference between chirping and clipping. Something about sticks and stones or something. That’s something even an idiot in Boston should be able to grasp.

5. Ratboy, Nose Face Killah, Marshmont

As important as Sami Salo’s reputation is in this whole thing, it’s important to remember too that Brad Marchand isn’t some innocent choir boy on his way home from School who took an ill-advised shortcut through a back alley and ran into a Finnish mugger.

This is Brad Marchand, or as Shanahan sees him, Brad Marchand: Repeat Offender.

Now I’m sure in each and every case Brad Marchand was merely acting in self-defence.

But somehow I don’t believe that.

I think he just likes to play dirty.

And if I can produce videos like that with a quick search of “Brad Marchand dirty” on Youtube, then Alain Vigneault is probably right when he says the Hockey Gods will find their way into Brad Marchand’s life soon enough.

Boston is a hockey town that has seen first hand how injuries derailed the career of Cam Neely.

Marchand is on a war path to create the next Cam Neely, or Marc Savard.

The long and short of this whole thing is simple.

Keep your head up Brad Marchand because submarining hockey players on the off-chance they’re looking to headshot you is a fantastic way to get players to headshot you.

Ask the Canucks how league-wide hate can manifest into a pretty big target on your back.

Even bigger than your nose.


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About Richard Hodges

A proud Vancouverite with a lifelong passion for the home teams that some would classify as pointless and disturbing. Now realizes that The Linden Tree is not the play you think it would be.
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  • Can I give 6/5 stars for this one?

  • Anonymous

    Richard’s auditioning for a job at Sportsnet with this one! 🙂

    • Luongod knows he’d be better than everyone on that shitty panel they have.

  • Billa864

    as a bruins fan, i agree with the suspension and maybe 5 games is a bit much, but with the prior incident involving sedin, i understand why the nhl had to take a strong postion on this.
    what i don’t get is how a vancouver journalist and anyone on the vancouver payroll would call for a bounty after what bertuzzi did to moore?  sure, go out, fight the kid, but to call for a bounty is pretty ridiculous.

    • “On the Vancouver payroll.” – Really dude? This is a blog. LMFAO And you think we’re serious about putting a bounty on a player’s head. Jeez, get your head outta the sand and buy a new sarcasm detector.

      • Billa864

        ahhh, i get it, sorry.  disregard.  and in terms of the vancouver payroll thing, i was talking about the coach.  he is paid by vancouver?  yes?

    • I am neither a journalist nor on the payroll, but I do love sensationalist headlines.

      I learnt it from those media types in Boston.

    • Dschebek

      Billa: It’s called sensational journalism It’s all about the clicks. That’s why the media loves to fan these Boston vs Vancouver flames.

  • First off i’m a fan of the team but losing patience with management.
    There should be a bounty on Mike Gillis’s employment if he doesn’t add a couple monsters to this team. i’m sick of seeing this kumbaya shit result in injured star players and disrespect.
    Wiese is not a super heavyweight and shouldnt be expected to fight goons like Shawn Thorton.
    Colton Orr was on waivers and made Lucic run like a bitch.
    Watching Henrik the Captain jump off the ice when his teammates were defending Burrows says everything. Sorry but pull the C and give it to Kesler, that was pathetic as was Wiese pretending to drop the gloves. The last thing this team needs were those 2 displays of cowardice.
    That just played into the Canucks are Pussy campaign that the Boston mediawhores feast on. Dont get me started on the hypocrisy of Boston and it’s bushleague sports writers, their not worth the time commenting on.
    Gillis needs to sign a Colton Orr type x 2 or will have learned nothing from the loss in last years finals. and yes Cory Schneider should be your starter if your somehow lucky enough to make it back to the finals.
    “Hometown Boy plays Bruins Spoiler” should have been the headline after game 6 last year but you went with the Rattled Flopping Lasagna instead because you pay him too much money.
    This team won’t be able to deal with Boston and their goon show unless they get a couple monsters and everyone knows it except for our general manager who seems to be think the NHL is serious about cleaning up the game when every year in the playoffs reveals refs putting away the whistle and the game devolves into gladiator war.
    The Canucks are only a couple pieces away from being able to handle these Boston scumbags and Mike Gillis needs to stop F’n around before half the roster is destroyed by the second round.

    • Anonymous

      Can’t say I disagree with most of what you say there “Ball Report”. Gillis needs to sign a Colton Orr type…hmmm love it. #Canucks

    • I dunno.

      The Canucks problem last year was scoring, and I don’t think a guy like Colton Orr would have done much to help that.

      As a preventative measure for injuries, maybe, but I don’t think guys like Marchand (or Torres) are thinking all that much when they do their thing.

      And what happens if the Canucks arm for the Bruins and they or Boston don’t make it to the finals?

      I think the Canucks secret weapon this year to put them over the top wears #9 and answers to Cody Hodgson.

      He’s going to centre a third line that should eat up the bottom pairing defencemen they face.

      • Half the team was playing hurt from guys taking liberties on them.
        Id replace injured small forward Ebbett with Colton Orr in a heartbeat.

        agree that Hodgson is on point. We need a sniper and watching that laser blow past Timmy Thomas is exactly what we need to see.

        Every team in the league will play us exactly like Boston did and try to manhandle us, intimidate the Sisters etc…

        • Yeah, I’m not against adding more toughness, I’m just against giving a roster spot to a guy who will spend 5 min on the ice and 5 min in the penalty box.
          A guy like Aaron Asham or Chris Neil would be perfect for the Canucks.

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