5 Ways For Daniel Sedin To Get Back At Brad Marchand

We Meet Again

There’s a little bit of hype to tomorrow’s Vancouver Canucks contest against the Boston Bruins. In case you had successfully blocked out the memories of June, they all came flooding back around Christmas thanks to the smorgasbord of Year In Review shows.

Which makes tomorrow’s meeting timely to deal with unresolved business. It may not be the ultimate day for an exorcism, but since it’s the only meeting of the year it does carry some weight.

One of the lasting, iconic images of the Stanley Cup Final was Brad Marchand using Daniel Sedin as a speedbag.

Daniel doesn’t fight back, trained that retaliating would negate the powerplay the Canucks would enjoy, forgetting the fact that there’s less than two minutes left.

He does however make his thoughts known to the ref for not stepping in sooner and gets slapped with a 10 minute misconduct.

In many ways, it would define the series.The Bruins stepped up and took what they wanted while the Canucks sat back and let them have it, convinced that it was still the regular season. The game had changed.

So that’s what Saturday is about. It’s about marching back into Boston with a swagger and asking them quite simply “How You Like Me Now?“. It’s why it’s sad to see the Canucks sit Roberto Luongo for this one.

They should be going in all guns ablazing, not minimizing casualties before the battle even starts.

So to that end, here are five helpful suggestions for Daniel Sedin to extract revenge on Brad Marchand.

1. Get that Powerplay Going!

Score. Score early, score often, make them pay. It may just be a regular season game but the Boston Bruins are rolling now and they remember Vancouver as well, so the ultimate gutpunch is rolling in to Boston and taking those two points.

This will require the slumping powerplay to find its way again. I say slumping because they’re only in first by two percantage points (unacceptable!).

It wasn’t the Sedin’s toughness that sank them in the finals, its the fact that they couldn’t get it going on the powerplay. Turning the other cheek is meaningless is if you can’t actually do it.

Fighting Brad Marchand would be misguided (and against the core ethos of Sedinism) so hit him where it would really hurt: the scoreboard.

2. Psyche Him Out

You remember in Elementary School when people would go to punch you and hold up and make fun of you for flinching?

Do that to Brad Marchand.

Actually punching him would be counterproductive in that it would just give the media an excuse to call Marchand a “Sedin agitator” but miming punching him would prove that you’re in his head and that type of stuff does have precedent in this rivalry.

3. Sic Jannik Hansen on Him

Apparently Brad Marchand’s nickname on the Bruins is Honey Badger, which is also what the Canucks call Jannik Hansen.

Daniel Sedin

Daniel Sedin Gets to see his old buddy Brad Marchand on Saturday

That ain’t gonna fly.

Like Highlanders, there can only be one Honey Badger and I’ll take the one who seems unconcerned when his face is bleeding.

I can picture it now.

4. Make Fun Of His Nose

Like mercilessly. Why not?

Lil Nose Face Killah there has a huge one.

His nose is so big when he exhales it causes a hurricane in China.

His nose is so big The Old Woman Who Lived in the Shoe is interested in moving into it for the extra closet space.

His nose is so big even Adrien Brody is a little bit creeped out by it.

Daniel, I know trash talk isn’t your game, but just get Lapierre, Kesler, Burrows, and Bieksa to write some stuff for you and keep it in your gloves for when the time is right.

It’ll probably have a Monty Python-esque quality to it.

Oh and also mention the fact his tattoo reads “Stanley Cup Champians”.

5. Take Notes From PK Subban

I Repeat: Take notes from PK Subban.

Vancouver has a kindred spirit in Montreal, thanks largely to our mutual hate of the Bruins.

Perhaps the Habs would be so kind to lend us PK Subban for one game to get after Marshmont.

Everyone would win in that situation except for Boston, so everyone wins.

Or even better, remind PK Subban’s former World Junior teammate which country took Gold and which took Bronze last night.

Either way, just do something.

The Canucks are saying all the right things in the media about this being just another game but privately if they aren’t out to extract a pound of flesh tomorrow then this team has no drive.


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About Richard Hodges

A proud Vancouverite with a lifelong passion for the home teams that some would classify as pointless and disturbing. Now realizes that The Linden Tree is not the play you think it would be.
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