“LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE.” – George Herbert
Wednesday’s tilt between the Vancouver Canucks and San Jose Sharks was a barn burner to say the least, but it wasn’t so fun for one fan, supporting the away team, in the stands.
16 Year Old Maggie Herger was reppin’ her Kesler fandom when she was allegedly struck in the head by a drunk buffoon of a woman behind her.
If you haven’t read the other stories already, Maggie had a brain tumor removed recently and the strike she received has caused her a concussion and much pain.
Many people will react the way humans have always reacted, by plotting revenge.
I don’t personally condone violence as a measure of vengeance, so…
Here are my Top 5 ways of the Canucks and their fans getting back at said buffoon from San Jose.
**I hope this can give Maggie at least a small chuckle if she reads this.**
Basically, it all starts with inviting this woman up for a game in Vancouver, preferably the game this Monday vs. San Jose.
1) Sign Her Up For Twitter
Some of us hard-core fans would convince her to sign up for a twitter account. We would call it @SanNoWayYoureThatDumb and have her follow a ton of Canucks fans.
Then we will get Dale Weise to tweet how she should get a real job.
She will get mad, jump over the glass, punch Dale Weise in the head, and be kicked out of Rogers Arena, forced to pay her own way home.
And then Dale Weise will block her on twitter for not being a puckbunny.
2) Ryan Kesler Can Do His Best Impression of Himself Posing
This woman cheers for San Jose so clearly she has no taste. Now cut me some slack for saying this, but Kes has the body of a Greek god. Said woman has no taste in teams, hence she has no taste in good looking men.
Kesler will greet her after the game is over, all sweaty and naked and attempt to put his finger in her mouth.
Ryan Kesler will then block her on twitter for flinching.
3) Kevin Bieksa Unleashes The Dogs
Waiting until she leaves her seat for a washroom break and then sneaking into the womens’ loo. He will then place a pail of milk at the top of the door of her stall, which when opened will spill all over her.
Stunned and covered in a lactose rich substance, Juice will begin to throw wieners at her…wieners being hot dogs.
Hurrah for #MilkHotdogs…oh and Juice will block her on twitter for not eating all the wieners.
4) Mike Gillis Signs Her To A One Day Contract
He does this and unlike Michael Buble, she is part of the starting lineup for the Canucks vs. San Jose.
After taking the opening faceoff against Jumbo D-bag Jumbo Joe and getting crushed, she is forced to sit on the bench for the rest of the game. That is until Lu and Cory both say screw it, and she is forced to go in net.
Then MG blocks her on twitter…and so does Michael Buble for not living up to contract expectations.
5) The Canucks Musical
She gets the role of Aaron Rome and AV gets the role of AV.
Did someone say silky lingerie?
HONOURABLE MENTION: Keith Ballard really wanted to stuff her into a hockey bag but we still want her to be able to breathe.
Get well Maggie.
For goodness sakes, follow this great Canucks fan on twitter @MaggieXOxx